An Aid To Memory

Spring is here, which means I have been busy taking Spring photos. I have posted a few below.

Below are some blossoms from a tree at my apartment:

Below are some more blossoms from the same tree:

The photo below was taken a little before the trees started changing, at a golf course near my brother’s house.

Usually around this time, Dandelions start appearing in yards, and my neighbor’s is no exception:

Finally, below is from the courtyard of my apartment complex. I have lived in some bad complexes in the past (come on, did the neighbors on *both* sides really have to blare their rap music at 11:00 PM???), but this one is great.

A year ago this time I was exploring the Catholic Church more seriously than I ever had. While I wasn’t confirmed until August I was nearly Catholic at this point. Some of my friends had already either converted or reverted (including Charles and David M.). My conversion story details much of the early struggle I felt last May. It was about this time last year that I started swimming across the Tiber. If there is such thing as "confirmation of desire" then May 2004 was when I had it. Surprisingly I didn’t blog at all during May. I did however do so in June, and my posts reveal a genuine tiredness of dealing with protesting, fighting, and Protestant divisions. I had assumed so many false things about the nature of churches that it took me awhile to finally end up where I belong. Oh well, humans learn slowly I suppose. It took me awhile, and the ride has been rocky at times, but I am glad to be home within the Catholic Church.

The image on the left is of the Assumption of Mary, the feast day on which I was received into the Church and confirmed.

Charles has blogged about reactions to his becoming Catholic. I thought it would be neat to write an entry about reactions to my conversion.

Despite living in an area that can be hostile to Catholics, the responses to my conversion have been largely positive. My family is supportive of course, although I don’t think they fully understand why anybody my age would abandon individualistic evangelical theology and praxis for a more structured, traditional way of doing things. Nonetheless, they have been supportive and open.

My friends’ reactions have been positive as well. My secular friends are a bit mystified, but they have always been mystified as to the place religion plays in my life. My Christian friends’ reactions have been positive and understanding. Steve (who attends a pentecostal church) was kind of surprised, but was encouraging, even visiting Mass with us one Sunday. One of the main reasons is that of all the Christians he has encountered, my brother and I have been probably the least judgmental. His church is pretty legalistic about drinking, and he quite rightly sees nothing wrong in having a beer now and then. He has asked us about a few doctrinal issues, and we have had some good discussions about both of our churches. Usually the response from Christian friends is simply anticlimactic; they are glad we are happy, and have no objections or concerns, and speak positively about Catholics they have known or worked with.

One friend and co-worker was really shocked. He has been a friend of the family for years and got red in the face with shock and laughed when he found out my brother and I converted. He was really surprised, since in this area, kids of evangelicals don’t usually become Catholic. To be honest, around here they usually become practical agnostics, but that is another post entirely. But his reaction was surprise, not judgment. Another co-worker also found out, and found it fascinating, and talked about how we worship the same Lord, etc. Later she told me how her Methodist church blessed animals one Sunday. I thought that was cool.

My Episcopal friends were not surprised, because they have witnessed my displeasure with the Anglican church for some time, and they have been very encouraging. I still encourage them in their ministries as well, and we have remained good friends.

Honestly, there have been no negative responses yet. Some people just don’t know though. I do not hide my being Catholic, nor do I announce it to everyone inappropriately. I didn’t announce my Episcopalianism or Evangelicalism to the world when I was involved in those groups either. As more people find out, I could encounter some negative reactions, but honestly, with my background and spiritual journey, I am well-equipped to deal with it all.

Image from: http://www.stmarys-slough.org.uk/1/conf.htm

Today, on the vigil of the feast of the Assumption of the Virgin Mary, I (along with my brother) was received and confirmed in the Catholic Church. I started out with first confession at 1:00pm. I must say I was a bit nervous as I waited for my brother to finish before me. After I started, I felt great relief. In fact, afterwards, I was ready to do it again! This may sound strange, but I know the benefits of the sacrament of reconciliation, and the grace given. Also, it is a relief to confess one’s sins to another and to have the assurance of forgiveness. Everybody told me that I would cherish the sacrament of reconciliation, and now I know why they said this over and over again!

After reconciliation, around 2:00pm, my brother and I went to the church from the rectory and were received into the Catholic Church. We said that we submitted to the teachings of the Church. After that we went through the Rite of Confirmation, having hands laid upon us and the oil of chrism placed on our foreheads. I was confirmed “Hilary,” taking the name of St. Hilary of Poitiers, bishop and doctor. Hilary was a stalwart of orthodoxy and a fine and convincing writer. He also knew when to compromise. He had many Eastern contacts, including St. Basil, whose ideas he most certainly brought Westward. After confirmation, Jonathan and I had some coffee and took a walk, waiting for first Communion at 5:00pm. Our first Communion was very meaningful and powerful. Every event today was powerful, and neither of us could stop from practically dancing. Grace was flowing into us today. Afterwards, we celebrated at the Chinese buffet. It was a fine day and a huge milestone! The image on the left is the assumption of Mary.

Tomorrow I will be confirmed a member of the Catholic Church, on the vigil of the Assumption of Mary. I had thought I would be received first, and then confirmed a little time later. It turns out it will all be done at the same time. I think that this is preferrable. I will probably (unless I get a revelation between now and tomorrow at 1:00PM) be taking the saint name of St. Hilary of Poitiers, bishop and doctor of the Church, who has been called "Athanasius of the West" for his steadfastness in defending against the Arian heresy. His writings also showed many Arians the error of their ways, and I find them very interesting even in the 21st century. The picture on the right is of St. Hilary. St. Hilary, pray for us!

I want to thank the many people who have been praying for my brother and me as we are to be confirmed. It is amazing how many people worldwide are aware of this event occuring in a rather rural area. Thank you for your support in this exciting time.

My (as of today, "former") parish is in the news today. My Episcopal priest has resigned following the threat of canonical action from the diocese. I have enjoyed my time at this parish, and cherish the time I have spent under Fr. Rick’s pastoral care. I have enjoyed the company of his family, and wish them well. Many people at there have been strong witnesses to the gospel, and have stood for this against even a well-funded and aggresive Diocese. Even though my calling is to the Catholic Church, I still prayerfully support whatever Fr. Rick chooses to do. I will even regularly visit some worship services wherever he starts up.

This parish is the victim of a big business, not a Christian diocese. The Diocese has decided that the only way to promote peace, unity, harmony, and inclusivity is to crack down hard and swift on any parish that might even begin to dissent. And what is the collateral damage of such a crack-down? The destruction of one of its own parishes. There were probably 10 members (and even then only 5 of these were active in good standing) who conspired against the parish’s choice to join the Network. And since all of these are retired, they had plenty of free-time to work their deeds (I made a comment on a meeting I attended with this group here).  In a few months, the parish will become just another ECUSA parish: declining, gray-haired, empty, and unable to pay its bills, save an endowment. Those who wanted Fr. Rick kicked out have gotten their wish, and as time passes they will find out what that means. However, I must ask both the Diocese and those who have helped drive Fr. Rick out…Can you have an assembly if nobody assembles there?

I have been forced to examine my own personal theological beliefs over the last few years, because of events within the Anglican Communion. I usually think theologically, but somewhere around March of 2004 I began to question my concept of the nature of churches. I guess I made many assumptions (whether explicitly or unconsciously) about the way churches just are. Looking back, these were false, and I had to “get over” these in order to be where I am now, knocking at the door of the Catholic Church. This list is not exhaustive, nor is this intended to put down non-Catholic churches. Rather this is an honest look at my faulty assumptions, many of which I falsely assumed were true even about Protestant churches.

1. Being at Odds with Your Leaders Is a Fact of Life
Growing up Methodist and then becoming Anglican, I always believed that we true believers were always going to be at odds with our leaders, and I even developed great interest (maybe even a joy!) in preserving the fight. And while fighting for the gospel is indeed admirable, fighting as a way of life within one’s church (when there are traditional churches down the road) is a pity. Of course I do worry that after many years of constant posturing I might feel like an old soldier who knows nothing but battle. But thankfully I am ready for less rocky days where I can simply focus on spreading the gospel.

2. You Find a Church That Agrees With You, Not Vice-Versa
I have heard people say (even in huge metro areas), “I would attend church, but I can’t find one that has the truth.” In other words, rather than submitting to the teachings of a consensus of persons, many of us looked for places that would consent to one individual’s idea of the truth. I had to eventually learn that I was hindering my spiritual growth to simply remain in a church because on paper in the late 1800s they seemed to get it right (think Anglo-Catholic Anglicanism). I have (after much prayer and education) finally come to the point where I can assent to the beliefs of the Catholic Church, but I started out skeptical and had to submit to something greater than myself.

3. Christianity is Primarily About Rational Assent to Beliefs
This was a biggie for me, even though in theory I would have agreed that Christianity is more than something rational. Community and spiritual discipline seemed to hardly matter, whereas beliefs on paper were all-important. I came to realize that spiritual discipline and community matter quite highly, and orthopraxis (e.g. confession, moral standards, respecting others) is just as important as orthodoxy. Recent events in the Anglican Communion have shown me that morality does matter. And as for my personal spiritual growth, even the prospect of confession has caused me to examine my life in a way I have never had to.

4. Churches Don’t Have Young People
This may sound weird, but after going to various Episcopal churches in the last four years, I finally came to the conclusion that young people just don’t go to church very much, and as sad as this is, I thought it was a fact of life. I had a kind of awakening at a joint choir event at a Lutheran church. The Catholics and Episcopalians had a joint choir. I knew which people in the choir were Episcopalians by their robes, and because I had attended that church frequently in the past. There were about 5 Episcopal choir members, all over 50. The Catholic choir has around 25 and had people of all ages and economic backgrounds. There is one Catholic and one Episcopal church in the county, yet the Episcopal church is empty. I began to see the importance of the Church as a community, one that is universal.

5. Liturgical Churches Only Appeal to Educated People
I used to think liturgy only appeals to educated people, and while I thought this was horrible, I just accepted that mostly educated upper-middle class people get something out of liturgical worship. Eventually I changed my mind and looked at Catholic and Orthodox churches, which are hardly filled with only educated people. I realized that I have been in churches, which on account of their moral and political stands, have alienated themselves from most people. I am extremely happy to be in a church where working class meets business class.

6. The Laity Will Rise Up When the Leaders Get Too Crazy
I used to think that when the non-Christian hierarchy of many mainline Protestant churches goes too far, the laity will rise up en masse and reassert Christianity. After the consecration of Gene Robinson, the reaction even among conservatives was pretty much “business as usual.” There seemed to be, as one minister put it, a “co-dependency with the leadership.” Of course, see my assumption number one, on why I can understand why some have chosen not to fight.

7. I Would Never Find A Woman Who Shares My Beliefs
Again, this may sound weird. However, think back to #4. Remember that Evangelicalism and Protestantism are very broad terms. My former church, the Episcopal church, only has 800,000 regular worshippers on a given Sunday, and most of these people are married and/or over 50. I just assumed that anybody I met in a romantic way would have disagreed with me on many religious issues (even if she was Christian), so it was best to not worry too much about religious compatability when looking for love. Of course I found this to lead to serious trouble. But once again, that assumption was not true of all churches.

These are a few of the assumptions I used to have. Maybe you have some of these? Maybe different ones? It is amazing though how even though we change churches or beliefs that our fundamental assumptions remain the same, and are what really hinder us from finding our way.

I will be received into the Catholic Church on August 14th, along with my brother. That day, the vigil of the Assumption of the Blessed Virgin, I will also do my first confession. I just found out today and am excited about this. I feel as if I have spent a lot of time fighting about Church issues for the last year, and am wearied, but hopeful that better things lie ahead. I am thankful to God to find a Church home. The scene in today’s photo is a fitting symbol of the peace and serenity I feel today. Thanks be to God.

I have recently broken up with a long-term girlfriend, after nearly 3 years of being together. I also am soon to be “broken up” with the Anglican Church, going my separate way, after nearly 5 years of being together. Neither has been easy, but both are undeniably necessary.

Break-ups are hard, but there often comes a point when two people, or a person and an organization, are going in two completely different directions. They no longer have a point of common unity, and the result is bitterness. Rather than stay and remain in constant battle, it is better for both parties just to part in an amicable way, not harboring unreasonable anger, and go where each must. This is what has happened in both of my “break-ups.”

As far as my break-up with my girlfriend, I have learned a few very important things. While relationships cannot always be exciting, or even ever-stimulating, there has to exist a common vision for unity. When a man and a woman wed, both (I hope) see the sacrament of marriage as a point of unity, the sacramental rite being the glue of the relationship so to speak. When they continue in the life of the Church, the Eucharist is not only is a sign of communion among them, Jesus, and the Church, but is in a way, a continual sign of the married couple’s unity in Christ. Even though dating or courting couples are not bound by the sacrament of marriage, the Eucharist can still be a very strong point of unity, even if both are partaking Eucharist in separate congregations (because of the universality of all Eucharists…Nominalists be damned!). I was in a relationship with a girl, who while a good person, did not accept this premise, and in fact at times seemed to be downright opposed to this understanding of Church and Communion. It is no surprise; she came from a congregationalist background. The lesson? Only start romantic relationships with those who value those things you value deeply. I can take or leave car color, or little things like that. If my girlfriend and I disagree over that, who cares? But when we cannot agree on the things that are most important to both of us, we will never last. This type of thing can usually be seen in the beginnings of relationships, we just often ignore them because “any relationship is better than none” I guess. I ignored these signs quite clearly, pretending that nothing was the matter, or that eventually (even though the evidence was strongly against this) she would come to my understanding of it all.

My break-up with Anglicanism has been, believe it or not, somewhat more difficult than my relationship break-up. I think because I have been Anglican longer, and have spent some of my best years defending the church against its detractors, not to mention pursuing ordination at one point. I realized that, like in my former personal relationship, I was somewhat blind to my surroundings. I used to think that someday the laypeople in the pews would arise against the liberal hierarchy, and that the consecration of Gene Robinson would be just the spark needed. And now three years later, we find that instead of the Episcopal church just seeming to be another declining mainline Protestant denomination, it actually is just another declining mainline Protestant denomination. I used to think that England would hold us together and could be looked to for guidance amidst all of ECUSA’s nuttiness. Recent actions by the Anglican Archbishop of Canterbury have proved to me otherwise. Then I had hopes of a new Anglican Church in America, but now that the orthodox in ECUSA can’t even agree on the path to pursue, I think its just time to part now.

I was having a conversation with a friend of mine, who is now Orthodox attending a Roman Catholic Church, and he brought up how reactionary he became when he was in the Episcopal Church. It was really quite contrary to his nature. I noted the same phenomenon within me. Naturally I am quite calm and reasoned, but after being bombarded by a constant barrage of non-Christian activity by my own church, every little issue became a battle. Once he broke off the relationship he had with ECUSA he could see much more clearly and faithfully. This shows that break-ups are not necessarily bad, and in fact, can actually be better for both parties. Neil Sedaka sang that breaking up is hard to do, and he is right to a degree, but I am kind of excited about the possibilities. I am confident that I will soon be entering a good relationship with the Catholic Church, and maybe later (or sooner, who knows?) I will find a woman who shares my love of the ancient faith. By the way, happy Independence Day for my US readers.

I like to run. Usually I end up running 3-4 times a week, if not more. I don’t just go out and perform the physical act of running though. Running, while (obviously) the central reason why I get out to "run," is not the entire picture. Let me explain.

I almost always run outside when the weather cooperates. I try to run on the trails at the local State Park, at the local floodwall, or over the hills behind the rural High School 2 miles from my home. As I run, I take in the changes of the seasons, the scenery, the animals that wander by, and the flowers that blossom. I observe the purple flowers of spring, and the painted rows of white stinging nettles as summer comes to a close. I smell the blooming Dogwoods in the spring, the green grasses in the summer, and the rotting apples in the fall. Even winter in its sparseness has a distinct smell. I even try to get a tan when its sunny. I usually carefully pick out a CD to listen to on the way over, as I roll the windows down and enjoy a slower-than-usual drive to the running destination. I often pray when I run, or think about theological issues, like how after the Incarnation all the world was redeemed and sanctified. I have picked up snow many times and commented on how it is "redeemed snow." Other times I just think of past relationships, good and bad. When I run with my brother, we usually talk about these same things. So as you can see, when I go out to "run" it is something far more than just moving my legs above 3 miles-per-hour. It is a whole experience and something rich and meaningful that would be missed if "running" simply meant just the physical act itself.

My point? Well, the Christian faith is like this. There are sparse options and there are full options, just like there is "just running" and there is "my running." We can just have "me and Jesus," as many Protestant churches embrace. We can have white walls, and God confined between Genesis and Revelation. We can have a faith divorced from sacrament and symbol, divorced from the people and places of history. We can have it sparse I guess. I cannot judge the salvation of those who keep it sparse, seeing as the Church is a mystery. However, this little personal illustration explains why I am drawn to the Catholic Faith (and I include the Orthodox, and much of classical Anglicanism in this too, although I am heading Romeward). I want the fullness of Christianity. I want candles, sacraments, stained-glass, icons, statues, incense, holy-water, liturgy, history, mystery, and more. I don’t want them because I want to somehow replace Christ, rather I want them because I want to know and experience Christ in all His fullness. Granted, these externals possibly could distract me from Christ (as the scenery could potentially distract me from running), but they have never yet done that. Rather they have enhanced my relationship with Christ, because they are not only fully in accord with Christ, but have been given by the Holy Spirit through the Church to help us experience Christ more deeply and profoundly. Because of the deep meaning, I crave the liturgy. I crave the Eucharist, just like (in a different way) I crave getting out and "running." I suppose I could get by without the fullness of the Faith, or by running inside (which I do during the deep winter), but who wants to "just get by" when you can have the full package??