Breaking Up is Hard to Do
I have recently broken up with a long-term girlfriend, after nearly 3 years of being together. I also am soon to be “broken up” with the Anglican Church, going my separate way, after nearly 5 years of being together. Neither has been easy, but both are undeniably necessary.
Break-ups are hard, but there often comes a point when two people, or a person and an organization, are going in two completely different directions. They no longer have a point of common unity, and the result is bitterness. Rather than stay and remain in constant battle, it is better for both parties just to part in an amicable way, not harboring unreasonable anger, and go where each must. This is what has happened in both of my “break-ups.”
As far as my break-up with my girlfriend, I have learned a few very important things. While relationships cannot always be exciting, or even ever-stimulating, there has to exist a common vision for unity. When a man and a woman wed, both (I hope) see the sacrament of marriage as a point of unity, the sacramental rite being the glue of the relationship so to speak. When they continue in the life of the Church, the Eucharist is not only is a sign of communion among them, Jesus, and the Church, but is in a way, a continual sign of the married couple’s unity in Christ. Even though dating or courting couples are not bound by the sacrament of marriage, the Eucharist can still be a very strong point of unity, even if both are partaking Eucharist in separate congregations (because of the universality of all Eucharists…Nominalists be damned!). I was in a relationship with a girl, who while a good person, did not accept this premise, and in fact at times seemed to be downright opposed to this understanding of Church and Communion. It is no surprise; she came from a congregationalist background. The lesson? Only start romantic relationships with those who value those things you value deeply. I can take or leave car color, or little things like that. If my girlfriend and I disagree over that, who cares? But when we cannot agree on the things that are most important to both of us, we will never last. This type of thing can usually be seen in the beginnings of relationships, we just often ignore them because “any relationship is better than none” I guess. I ignored these signs quite clearly, pretending that nothing was the matter, or that eventually (even though the evidence was strongly against this) she would come to my understanding of it all.
My break-up with Anglicanism has been, believe it or not, somewhat more difficult than my relationship break-up. I think because I have been Anglican longer, and have spent some of my best years defending the church against its detractors, not to mention pursuing ordination at one point. I realized that, like in my former personal relationship, I was somewhat blind to my surroundings. I used to think that someday the laypeople in the pews would arise against the liberal hierarchy, and that the consecration of Gene Robinson would be just the spark needed. And now three years later, we find that instead of the Episcopal church just seeming to be another declining mainline Protestant denomination, it actually is just another declining mainline Protestant denomination. I used to think that England would hold us together and could be looked to for guidance amidst all of ECUSA’s nuttiness. Recent actions by the Anglican Archbishop of Canterbury have proved to me otherwise. Then I had hopes of a new Anglican Church in America, but now that the orthodox in ECUSA can’t even agree on the path to pursue, I think its just time to part now.
I was having a conversation with a friend of mine, who is now Orthodox attending a Roman Catholic Church, and he brought up how reactionary he became when he was in the Episcopal Church. It was really quite contrary to his nature. I noted the same phenomenon within me. Naturally I am quite calm and reasoned, but after being bombarded by a constant barrage of non-Christian activity by my own church, every little issue became a battle. Once he broke off the relationship he had with ECUSA he could see much more clearly and faithfully. This shows that break-ups are not necessarily bad, and in fact, can actually be better for both parties. Neil Sedaka sang that breaking up is hard to do, and he is right to a degree, but I am kind of excited about the possibilities. I am confident that I will soon be entering a good relationship with the Catholic Church, and maybe later (or sooner, who knows?) I will find a woman who shares my love of the ancient faith. By the way, happy Independence Day for my US readers.
